On Saturday, May 17th, 2025 at Dance Country in Gales Ferry, Connecticut, a beautiful event was hosted on my behalf by Lisa Mazzaro and team to celebrate the launch of my new children’s book, There Will Be Hugs. What an INCREDIBLE day it was! In addition to the book signing, delicious refreshments, seeing my 6th grade teacher after 30 years, and adorable children (and kids at heart) drawing their koalas in the kids corner, I delivered a talk on the power of intentional friendship. I wrote this talk from a place of intense reflection as we approach the 3 year mark of moving back to Southeastern Connecticut where I grew up. What I didn’t expect, however, was the response when I finished. There were many tears from the audience members. There were comments on how much this talk was needed. And yes, there were hugs. So today, in the knowing that someone else out there might need to hear this too, I’ve decided to share it with you here.
The Power of Intentional Friendship
Thank you so much for being here today. Before I share my heart with all of you I want to give a HUGE thank you to Lisa Mazzaro and everyone here at Dance Country for not just creating this space where I can share with you today, but becoming friends.
I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me to be standing in front of you, holding this book, There Will Be Hugs, and knowing that you’ve shown up not just for a story, but for a message and one that I believe is more important now than ever.
Today, I want to talk to you about something deeply personal, something that’s shaped my life in ways I never expected: The Power of Intentional Friendships.
What I Thought Friendship Would Look Like
Growing up, I had this very idealistic, perhaps some may say naive, picture of friendship in my head. Maybe you can relate. I imagined having a small, tight-knit group, kind of like the characters from a favorite childhood show where everyone stays in touch, supports one another, and grows together over the years. I thought adult friendships would be easier because we’d be more mature, more wise, more secure, more present.
But the truth? Adulthood hit, and friendship looked a lot more like unanswered texts, mismatched life seasons, and the slow unraveling of once-close ties. It felt like grief. Like longing for something that maybe wasn’t meant for me.
I found myself asking, more times than I’d like to admit, “Is this all that adult friendship is?” Is it surface-level connections? Is it loving people from afar but rarely seeing them? Is it outgrowing each other quietly and hoping no one takes it personally?
The Shift From Expansion to Intention
A few years ago, I moved back to the place I grew up… right here in Southeastern Connecticut. And what I expected was expansion and that moving “home” would somehow fill the gaps in my heart with old friends and familiar faces. Everyone had always said they couldn’t wait for me to come back, or that they wished I had never moved away. I thought returning home would be a healing kind of reconnection.
But July will mark three years since we moved back. I still haven’t seen some of those people. And it hasn’t been for lack of trying.
The truth is, during those first two years, I would’ve given anything for as little as a casual hello in the grocery store. Even a wave at a stoplight would’ve meant something to me. But I came to realize that many of the people I longed to reconnect with weren’t willing to prioritize friendship and connection the way I was.
And that hurt. Deeply.
But through that pain, I found something far more powerful than the kind of reconnection I expected: I found intentionality.
Coming back, I realized that I didn’t want dozens of acquaintances or casual catch-ups. I craved something deeper, quieter — a kind of friendship that made space for who I was now, not just who I had been.
I learned that friendship doesn’t have to be loud. It doesn’t have to be daily. But it does have to be chosen.
Intentional friendship is the kind where both people say, “I see you. I’m here for you. Let’s do this life thing together, on purpose.”
It’s a friendship that honors boundaries, holds space, and doesn’t need to be perfect to be powerful.
The Friendship Paradox
During a joy-filled Thanksgiving weekend in 2024 when my good friend Brittany Floyd, who happens to be the illustrator of There Will Be Hugs, joined us to celebrate the holiday, I released a self-produced documentary entitled The Friendship Paradox. It’s a project that was born from this very question: Why is it so hard to maintain meaningful friendships as adults?
In the film, I interviewed people from all walks of life about their experiences with friendship. And what struck me was how universal the ache was. How many people, from age 30 to 90, felt some kind of confusion or pain around friendship.
Some told me they felt forgotten. Others said they had hundreds of social media friends but no one to call at 2 a.m. Many said they had people but didn’t feel truly known.
And that’s the paradox, isn’t it? That in a world more connected than ever, we’re still starving for connection.
What I’ve come to believe is this: Friendship in adulthood must be intentional, or it will be accidental and most accidental friendships won’t survive the weight of real life.
And this is especially important to recognize given the current state of our world. Everywhere we turn, we’re being pushed to focus on what divides us… differences in beliefs, backgrounds, opinions, or identities. But intentional friendship doesn’t start with differences. It starts with what brings us together. With presence. With willingness. With love.
The Book, the Koalas, and the Hugs
So what does any of this have to do with two koalas and a book called There Will Be Hugs?
Everything.
Because Kip and Kora, the characters in this story, represent what happens when two souls decide that connection is worth the risk. They don’t talk about how different they are. They don’t measure worthiness or keep score. They simply show up for each other intentionally.
This book may seem simple. But it was written from the most honest place I could create from. It came from the ache. It came from the grief. It came from the hope. It came from the very real experience of finding a friend: someone who would love me through my mess, who would celebrate my wins, and who believed in the power of intentional friendship just as much as I did.
It came from understanding that hugs, whether physical or emotional, are a language of safety. Of presence. Of saying, “You matter to me.”
Dear Little Me
And if I can take a moment to speak to the young people in the room, or maybe the little version of ourselves still inside each of us, I want to say this:
As the adults in your life are telling you to “go make friends,” I want you to know that it’s okay to take your time. I wish someone had told me that. That it’s okay if friendship doesn’t come fast or look perfect. Friendships will change over the years. And 20 years from now, the people around you may not be the same, but that doesn’t mean something went wrong. It just means life evolved. And if you can open your heart and be intentional with how you connect, those kindred spirits will find you.
A quote from one of my favorite childhood books, Anne of Green Gables says, “It’s not what the world holds for you, it’s what you bring to it.” And I believe that’s true for friendship too.
It’s not what friendship holds for you, it’s what you bring to it.
Going Forward In Friendship
So here’s what I want to leave you with:
If you have one person in your life you can count on, love them deeply. If you’re still looking for that kind of friend, don’t give up, but don’t settle for accidental connection either. Choose your people. Be someone’s Kip. Be someone’s Kora.
And most of all…
Be the hug.
Thank you.
xoxo Jessica